Indoor Dave not going so good

Well, I still haven't recieved any applications for indoor dave yet. Not sure why really. Maybe I need to get my message out there. I could put a commercial on the televison maybe. That way I could be doing commercials while I am getting people to come on my show. Or maybe I should actually give my idea to a television company, you know fox would show anything. Well, either way, I am letting all you girls out there I am still looking for applicants. I know you want to, but are just scared. That shouldn't stop you from doing what your heart desires.

Its been even longer

Well, I got Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas a few days ago and have been incredably addicted to it for the past three days. I could probably write a review about the game, but the more I think about it, why. If you play video games and you liked the past two versions, you will most likely get the game and if you didn't or don't then you will not get the game. What I kind of want to write about though is the Thelma Drake commericals on the radio. What the hell is she thinking. I guess it is what all polticions do, but it just seems more rediculous with her. The commercials are basically saying that Themla Drake is on your side and wants to help you out and how Themla Drake is basically a really good person, then the commercial jumps to the dark side, it then talks about how her competion (David Ash) is a bad person. Shit like, David ash voted against helping poor innocent children getting help and David Ash does beleive in helping you or your community. Then everytime I hear the commercial I think what has to be next is: And David Ash hates all of you ecspecially those of you that can vote and David Ash is the DEVIL. My decision on who to vote for was pretty split before these stupid commercials came out. If I do decide to vote, I will probably vote David Ash now, since I think it would be cool to have the devil in the congress. I mean, you know he would get shit done and nobody is going to argue with him.

Been a few days

Yeap, it has been a few days since my last post. Not much going on really, besides studing for my calculus test, which I had fun taking today. I did do better on this one, or at least I should have done much better on this one. Now all I have to worry about is my Chemistry test on wednsday. Well like I said, not much more going on around here, or at least I have been too busy to notice.

I kind of wish I had a son

I forget what I was watching of TV that made me think of this, but I kind of wish I had a son. So I could shape him to my will. Of course I couldn't live in the United States, since what I want to do would be illegal. See what I would do is to get a lab, where I could train him and shape him to my will. I would work him out constantly from the time he is about 3, before that I would just have him listen to war music and battle scenes. After three years of age, I would put him on a diet and have him work out all the time. In his "free" time, he could read war strategies, and anatomy books, it would make him a more efficient killer. Of course I would also desensitize him, have him watch other animals kill each other, and people killing each other. I would also tell him that the world is a cold and hateful place, and that nobody deserves to live. Then when he turns eighteen I could have him do my bidding. He would be an international assassin and mercenary. He would kill anyone I want him to, or if someone had enough money to pay me. I could have him kill the person he wants him to kill. Of course this would just be one step I would take for world domination. I really wouldn't need him once I can create frankenstien like monsters and train them to kill for me. And the frankenstien monsters wouldn't take so long to create. Well anyway I should keep this on the down low, since I don't want the man to stop me.

Got another job in mind

So apparently there is a escort service in New York City that does not sell sex. It is a legitimate escort service, where the girl just go out with the guy. So basically the plan is, guys hire these girls for the evening, going out to public places with them. As we all know, women don't have opinions of their own. They have to see what other girls like, so when they see the guy with this girl the other girls will start to like the guy. (You got all that, if not, read it again)

Well I was thinking, maybe I could start up one of these here in the Hampton Roads area. All I need to do is find about 10 - 20 good looking girls, tell them all they have to do is date these guys for one night, and they will get paid something like 20 dollars an hour. And I will charge the customer 30 dollars an hour. It would be best if the guys paid up front, to make sure they pay, but I know deep down I would want the guys to pay the girls after the service. Since then after the girls come back in, I can say "Bitch, you better have my money." That might be going a little over the top though. Well either way, whenever someone askes me what my job is, I could finally tell them that I am a pimp, which would be another cool job.

Here is an old joke

Since I really don't have much more to say, I am going to post another joke.

I guy walks into a supermaket and buy a single toothbrush, a single serving of frozen dinner, a pint of milk and 40oz of beer. As the girl at the checkout scans the items she asks the guy, you are single, arn't you?

The guy answers sarcasticly "Yeah, how did you guess?"

And she replies bluntly "You are ugly."


Some more jokes are lower, but I urge you women out there not to read them, and if you do, you can not say anything. Because I told you not to read them.




What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.

How long does it take for a women to get an orgasm?
Who cares.

What is the difference between and job and a wife?
A job still suck after five years.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Yell at her.

How do you fix a womens watch?
You don't, there is a clock on the stove.

What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
Potpourri

Why did the women cross the road?
Nevermind that, what the fuck was she doing outside the kitcher?

Proof that squids are idiots

This is a story that a medic told me while we were in Kuwait. Keep in mind that this story was told to me by a sailor, so the truth may be a little disorted. But this is the story he told me nevertheless.

The medic was serving on a frigate class ship, which is a really small ship. He served with a few other medics and a doctor that just recently graduated from medical school, so he wasn't very experienced. One day while he way on duty a guy came in holding his bloodied crotch. Apperantly he hurt himself while masterbaiting by tying a small rope around his dick, creating a turnique. By creating the turnique he was staying hard longer since the blood was still pumping into his dick, but it wasn't leaving. So as you can imagine, after a while too much blood entered and not enough left. So just like putting too much air in a balloon, his dick basically popped. The medic said while he was examining him, his dick looked like a bloody cauliflower. So of course he had to call the doctor in because this was above his skill. Unfortunatley the doctor didn't have any experience for vienial surgery and they couldn't get the guy medivaced to another ship, since their ship was on deployment by themselves. So the inexperienced doctor had to sow the guy up without any kind of anasthesia. Well the moral of the story, if you don't last long, well just live with it, don't put a turnique on your dick.

The best reality show

With all the reality shows out there and it seems like they are not dying down with shows like wife swap, and outback jack. I was thinking I should make my own, one in my opinion would be the best show ever. The show would be called indoor dave. Basically I would interview girls to come to my house and live here with me. After I pick the ten best girls for the show I would put them on different tests and make them perform chores for me. So I will tell them to cook me breakfast lunch and dinner and I will make them clean the house and mow the lawn, and of course any other odds and ends I need done. Every week the girls will have a test to do, or something like that. Not sure what these will be yet, since I am still ironing out the details for the show, but it will be something both the audience and I will enjoy, that is for sure. Then every week I would reward each girl with a certain prize. First prize would be the girl gets to sleep at the foot of my bed for the week, and last prize will get kicked off the show. At the end of the season I would give the girl who wins a cash prize what she is worth, because by that time I will probably be bored of her and would want her to leave. But like I said before I still haven't worked out all my ideas yet, so I could use some advice. Oh and if any of you girls are interested or think you friends would be, just send me an email (okinsky@yahoo.com) with a few pictures and a good reason why I should pick you.

Calculus problem

Okay, this is the problem my teacher thought we could finish in the last ten minutes on wednsday:

A man is in a boat 2 miles from the shore. He then has to go to point Q, which is three miles down the coast and one mile from the shore. The man can row at two miles per hour and he can walk at 4 miles per hour. At what point on the coast should he row towards(how far down the coast) in order to reach point Q in the least time?

Well the teacher didn't finish the problem in time but he sure as hell tried. I am going to try and redo the problem and post the answer for my next blog entry, but if I don't, don't be dissapointed. It just means I never finished the damn thing.

Forgot a job

During my dream jobs, I can't believe I forgot about me being a commerial actor. I mean, how awsome would that be, to be a commerical actor. Especially the ones where the people are dancing around having a good old time singing the jingle for the product. Swoops there it is, Swoops there it is. Or the medication commercials. Tension headache are a pain in the neck. Thats why I use Advil head and neck ache formula. Because pain in the head and neck don't have to be a pain in the neck. Then if I get really big like jarred or the Dell kid, they would ask me to play in movies and TV show. Since I am not as annoying as either Jarred , the fat bastard, ot the awful dude you are getting a dell kid. But I would then surprise the hell out of the TV and movie producers and turn them down. Since all I really want to do is commercials.

For those of you that know Robin, she has been asking me to put her name on my site somewhere, so here you go. She also asked me to say some other shit too, but my morals keep me from putting that on this wholesome site. Besides, I am not some blog ho that she can pimp around anytime she wants. So this better be good enough Robin.

Jokes on blogs

Well since other people are just putting jokes on their blogs, why can't I. Hear is one.

A guy walks into a bar in Alaska and sees a sign that states "Hiring for a job, ask bartender for details. So the guy goes to the bartender and asks him about the details for the job. The bartender tells him he has to do three things and he will pay him 2000 dollars. The bartender tells him "First you have to drink a fith of vodka without spilling a drop, then you need to go outside and kill a polar bear that has been bothering the people around here. Then finally you have to go upstairs and sexually please an eskimo girl that has never been pleased by a man." The man thinks about this for a second and tell the bartender that this is an impossible job and that no one could ever do it.
About 3 hours of drinking later the man goes back to the bartender and asks if the job is still available. Of course it is and the bartender takes out the bottle of vodka and without hesitation the man drinks down the whole bottle without spilling a drop. He the goes outside and everyone in the bar hears ferousious growls and roars from outside. A few minutes later the man walks back inside bloodied, bruised and missing an arm. He then shouts to the bartender "now where's that fuckin eskimo bitch you want me to kill."

Nightmares?

For the past few years I keep having the strangest dreams. Not sure what these dreams mean, but they are definatley wierd, and I am not sure if they are just odd dreams or nightmares.

Like all dreams I have a hard time remembering exactly what goes on in my dreams a few hours after so I don't remember them all exaclty but I will try to tell you about a few. The ones that comes to mind the most, are the vampire dreams. Where for some reason or another I am fighting off vampires. Sometimes I am helping to protect people and others I am just there killing the vampires for money. Either way, I would kill a few of the vampires, but eventually I trap me and start ripping me apart and eating me alive, and right before I die I would wake up. But I would never wake up reacting to a nightmare. I wouldn't wake up in a cold sweat, or be startled at all. Instead I would remember the dream to be really cool and would want to have the dream again. The other dreams(nightmares) I have a all pretty much the same way. It is me fending off these monsters until they eventually over whelm me and kill me. Weird huh.

Night of the Living Dead

Not sure if all of you guys have seen the movie "Last Action Hero" but it is an Arnold Schwarznegger movie, where a kid has a magic movie ticket. With the ticket he can walk in and out of any movie. Actually go into the movie he is watching. The kid then ends up walking into a movie called Jack Slater IV, which is basically the generic Arnold action flick.

Now many of you must be thinking of movies that you would love to be in that movie universe. Maybe it is Star Wars, or perhaps you would think it would be fun to be in X-men universe. Who knows but you get the point, with the ticket you could go into any movie universe. My pick would be "Night of the Living Dead." I would pick to go into the movie just as the zombies arrive at the house. When there is only about three or four of them outside. While everyone else is trying to board the house up, I would go outside with an aluminum baseball bat, and start cracking skulls, quite literally. Not only would this be great fun, beating the shit out of zombies, it would also be an outstanding workout. Think about swinging that baseball bat at zombies for a few hours, knowing that if you get too tired and you don't hit hard enough and fast enough. The zombies are going to start out numbering you and will eventually kill you.

Then after you get a good workout knocking the hell out of the zombies, you could start using them as target practice. After I take out the 200 - 300 zombies near the house, I could then start travelling. I would probably go to a military base as quick as I could and get some serious weapons. Then drive around in a tank or maybe a hum-vee. I would be the ultimate zombie smashing machine. Since about 90% of the world turned into zombie, that would be like what 10 billion zombies to kill, something like that. Yeap, that would be the ultimate life right there.

Getting a Job

That is right, for those that know me, I am thinking about getting a job. Those that don't, (1) why are you here (2) how did you find this site and (3) I haven't had a job for a few months now. Ever since I got back from Kuwait and back out of the Navy I have been living it on easy street. But now I was seriously thinking about getting a job. How else am I am going to get a motorcycle and go skydiving, that shit is expensive.

Now I don't think I am picky about a job I want, I just need one criteria fullfilled. That is, I need to like the work I am going to do. That is a big problem though, because whenever I drive around town I think of getting a job at some of these places based only on the fact that I could get good benefits. Like getting a job a Chic-Fli-A and getting free (or at least cheap)lunch all the time. But then I though about how much it would suck to work at a fast food place. Even if Chic-Fli-A does look like a clean place to work, you just know it will suck. Then there is Best Buy. I think I buy more shit from Best Buy then I do anywhere else. Movies, games, games, games, music and computer shit. Plus if I get enough money I could buy a a big screen tv or new surround sound. Then I though of the downside, customers. I hate working with people. I just know I am going to snap in someones face for asking me stupid shit about computers. Face it, most people are pretty stupid when it comes to computers, and when that old grandma or grandpa comes in asking for something stupid too many damn times, I don't know if I can handle that. Plus, Best Buy is all the fucking way in Greenbrier. I hate driving long distances to work. I mean it isn't my dream job to work with stupid people. Maybe if I got a job as a prositute for the top 1% of beutiful women, then I would drive to....well fuck anywhere, everyday.

Back on the point at hand, I need to get a job that doesn't suck ass. So I think I have narrowed my choices down:

1. Male Stripper - How awsome would it be to have women lusting at you and then giving you money. Then maybe getting some money on the side to please though richer hot looking girls in a more private setting. Down side, they probably can't keep guys out of the place and there would be only one kind of guy that would spend money at a male strip club.
2. Mercenary/Assassin - Okay I don't think I would ever be able to get a job like this. Since, well I don't think I am qualified. I have been in the military and I have shot all types of weapons, but I havem't been in a combat situation before. So who know how I would react. It would be a cool job to kill people for a living though. Think about it, I would be sitting in my room playing games and a message would pop up on my secure computer saying "Zombie, we have a job for you, meet us at 22:00" or some shit like that. Then I would say to my roommates "I am thinking about going to California or something, talk to you guys later." Then come back two days later with $25,000 dollars and a bullet in my leg. Cool huh.
3. Male Prositute for the top 1% most beutiful women in the world - Okay I don't need much explaining on why these would be a cool job, only problem is getting the world out on how good I am and how ruggedly good looking I am. For those tat don't know me, I must say I am a damn good looking guy, about 6'2 210 pounds of lean muscle and uhhhh ummmm shit I am a fatso and wouldn't have the qualifications for this job ethier.
4. Owner of a Nightclub/Bar - Well this would just be a cool job because, shit I own a fucking bar. How many girls come to bars and wouldn't they all be impressed with meeting the owner. Shit yeah they would. I could also make a good amount of money owning my own business, and owning a bar would look alot less gay then owning, well a hair salon or some shit like that.

Well that is about it, there are probably many more jobs I could and would want to do, but this is all I can think about right now. Until I get one of these. I am just going to sit on my ass and play video games until I run out of money.

Female Sports

During every class my political science teacher asks a specific people questions. For the first class he asked me who is a popular(hot) actress right. I told him Elisha Cuthbert, since I just saw "The Girl Next Door" and couldn't get the scene where she strips out of my head. He then questioned me who that was, since he isn't on the up and up on actresses. I of course told him "She is from the girl next door and the bosses daughter in old school, which of course after I said that I couldn't get the scene where she was in bed out of my head. He then asked me if she came up to me at a bar, grabbed my ass and asked me if she wanted a drink, would I say yes. I told him of course, even though is she did do that I might have a hard time believing I was not dreaming. Then, he tried to make a point and asked a female student if Brad Pitt did the same thing to her, if she would also say yes. To his surprise she said "I would just tell him go come home with me."

Well it looks like I am getting off the subject here, but I wanted to let you know how my political science teacher asks questions. Today he asked the a guy, "Would you rather watch female basketball or full contact female football." The student replied with basketball, which surprised the teacher, but didn't give a reason why. Well, at the time I thought it would be cool to see two girls beat the shit out of each other in full contact football. Kind of like mud wrestling, but just a bit more violent. Then while I was thinking of more reasons I would like football over basketball I though of how unattractive the female basketball players are, but this just got me thinking. If female basketball players looked that unattractive, then what the hell would female football players look like. It is kind if like the who lesbian deception thing. Most guys think of lesbians as being 110 pound, 18 - 26 year old hotties. But in the real world, most lesbians are 210 pound she monsters with tatoos and deeper voices than I have. The same would go for the female football player. You just know the are going to be ugly girls. I mean maybe the WR might look decent, since they need to be kind of small and in shape to run fast. And just maybe a few other positions, the girls wouldn't be nasty, but just think of the line. Just imagine the whole line of 200+ women battling it out. Must say, not a pretty site to me.

Shaun of the Dead

Whoever know me, knows I like Zombie movies. A few days ago I saw the movie, Shaun of the Dead, which before a few friends told me it was a great movie, I honestly thought this was going to be a stupid goofy stoof off of Dawn of the Dead. I must say though, I was pleasently surprised that this may be the best zombie movie ever. While this movie was indeed a spoof, it was still well done. The main charaters reacted to the zombies the way most people would in the position would. I don't want to say too much about the movie because it is a movie you should definatley see. So to conclude, go see this movie Dammit.

Damn Calculus Teacher

Okay, yesterday I had my calculus test and for the most part I didn't think I was going to have that much of a problem. Yeah a few of the methods in this chapter were a bit shady for me. But like I said, for the most part I shouldn't have much of a problem with the test. Well to my horrid surprise, the test was completely different than what I expected. What I was expecting was to find the derivitive of 3x^2 or (x^3+x^2)/sqr(3x), or even sin(x^2). This guy though put in all the hard shit. Shit like 4csc^3xcot3x, I mean when the hell am I EVER going to have to use that. Really, I doubt nuclear engineers ever use that shit in there actually practice. I mean seriously, what the hell is the point. Well it looks like I am going to have to study to get a decent grade in this awful class.